Me playing the oboe with the St Giles Orchestra in Oxford
I’ve become preoccupied with my internet stats of late, so much so that I start hyperventilating if no one’s looked at my profile for a day or two. To feed this growing obsession I did a course on Google analytics, and having seen that my ‘About’ page generated both a large number of hits and bounces, I thought it was time to spruce it up a bit. Now, I really didn’t know how best to go about this, so I’ve shamelessly pinched someone else’s idea instead of taking the trouble to come up with something original. What follows is my answers to some of the questions that appear in the Q&A of Saturday’s Guardian magazine…
Q. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
A. A cor anglais. I’m still paying for it.
Q. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
A. Impatience. It leads to all sorts of bad behaviour, and usually a lot of swearing.
Q. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
A. Rudeness and bad manners – there’s never any excuse for it.
Q. What would instantly improve your life?
A. Having a sense of direction. I really do have absolutely no idea where I’m going most of the time, and it would be really nice if I could find my way to the toilet and back without getting lost.
Q. What would your super power be?
A. Don’t want one. Once you’ve got a super power, you’ve also got a shed-load of responsibility. But if you’re giving stuff away, I’ll have a sense of direction, please.
Q. Who would be your ideal dinner party guests?
A. That Dr Jago Cooper off the telly. Just him. He doesn’t even have to say anything, he can just sit there and let me look at him.
Q. What is the worst job you’ve done?
A. In a factory, sticking four strips of double-sided sticky tape onto endless fold-up pieces of cardboard packaging for Ordnance Survey maps. My fingertips were bleeding by the time the whistle went at the end of the day.
Q. What has been your biggest disappointment?
A. Not being able to sing. I sound fabulous in my head, but in reality I make a dreadful honking racket.